I Am Not Here For It

The other day I made a post on facebook, it said:

“I dont like when folks celebratize me (new word). I really really dont like it. I am goofy. I am clumsy. I make mistakes. I go hard but cry harder. Just love on me. Support me. Be an honest friend with me. I am trying to build family every day. Putting me higher than you makes it hard to do that. Love you..”

Celebratize as in celebrity..not celebrate.

I am not here for fame or for recognition. I am here for change.

I have learned the hard way that I have no control over what happens when it comes to other people. I am actively trying to manage it right now. I have to for self care. I have to stop you from hurting me since you all won’t stop to consider me.

I get people that send me nothin ass messages just so they could be communicating with me. I dont have the time or capacity for that. Every. Single. Day. More than one person. If I ignore them they get emotional. If I respond they try to dominate my time and consume all of me. Without taking into account that I am doing things through out the day and cannot talk.

I have white people that always want me to hold their hand and give them kudos on a daily basis. I dont have time or the emotional capacity for that. And imagine how it is for you other people of color…times that by 20 and that is what I get on a daily basis.

I get people coming directly to me about police encounters, instead of using our process that involves a team of folks put in place to take the weight off of me…and all that weight and hurt and drama, falls on me. I cannot continue to do that if you want  me to keep fighting. I cannot fight if I am depressed. I cannot fight if I am overwhelmed. I cannot fight if I am mourning the loss of folks every single night. I cant carry mothers that are crying, if I cant stop crying. I cant be on the verge of crying over every damn thing. I just can’t.

I get people that want to have coffee with me, so that they can ask me to work for them. No I am not having coffee with you and I am not working with you.

I get politicians that want to have a meeting with me so they can “build with me.” What that usually consists of is a meeting, and them telling me that they cant build that bridge without me accommodating those I am fighting against. A smile, and then a phony something or other..and then disrespect in council chambers, public events, etc. Nope. I no longer sit down with politicians (Shirley Weber is the exception).

Don’t have me get up early, drive around downtown looking for parking, just so you can look at me and tell me how happy you are to meet me. No.

Don’t be a union, or a non profit, that has a fight on hand. That you manipulate the message to apply it to Black lives, and then tell me how I need to do this work. We have enough work for 4 organizations. MIND YOU I have a 40 hr a week job away from BLM. MIND YOU I do this work for free. I get no funding. So no! We are not going to link “the tunnels” to Black Lives Matter while you ask my team to canvass for you. Matter of fact, fuck you. 🙂

I am going to tell you a few very important things that I think its really important you read and intentionally think deeply about it…

I am a human

I am a human

I am not a token

I am not a token

I am ONLY working for my people to get free from this system. Not you.

I do not work for you in any capacity.

Treat me like a human.

Treat me with respect.

Make sure your advocacy is not oppressing, tokenizing, and dehumanizing me as a person.

You want support? You want us to talk to your class? What have you done for us? Cause I am not getting paid and I dont have time. So before you ask what your BLM chapter can do for you, what have you done for your chapter?

We are not here to work for you…once again. We are not here as a service.

We are not a non profit

We are not being funded to fulfill a need.

We are not being funded at all.

Do not treat us like a service.

Do not treat us like a business.

You can get as mad as you want to, and its okay because we are not here to make sure you are happy.

We are only here to fight.

We are only here to fight and demolish.

We are only here to fight, demolish, and rebuild.

We are only here to fight, demolish, rebuild and HEAL.

We are only here to fight, demolish, rebuild, heal, and LOVE ourselves and our people.

Since you dont.

We are dying at every angle. #genocide

And nothing you need from me is more important than that.

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